Home
His arm wrapped around my body as we sat on the couch. I nuzzled in, my head landing on his shoulder. There might have been a Food Network show on in the background, but I can't say for sure. I was lost in a feeling of utter calm. The world just went away. The stress of the day went away. I felt myself sigh, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I was home.
I wish I could harness that feeling and carry it with me, or at least summon it when I need it. Too often I become consumed by worry and guilt, and the snowball starts rolling. Sometimes it takes a lot for me to get back to reality, to just stop worrying, stop over-thinking. But, ironically, I often have to think through an issue in the process of trying to eliminate it. Double-edged sword, catch 22, pick your cliche on that one. If I had a therapist, I'd either be the star patient or the one that gets the clinical trial.
I don't know much, but I know that there are two places I feel total peace. One is on that couch, and one is during a run. I've only been seriously running for about 10 months now, and, to be honest, have yet to hit the 10 mile mark. But I know this - I know I feel something out there that I haven't felt in a long time. It's not just a sense of accomplishment, although that's definitely satisfying. It's also that moment either during a run or immediately after when I look ahead and think, I feel good. And the world goes away. And I'm home.
Sure, there are hurdles. Sometimes literally - I once had to leap over a maverick two-year-old on the sidewalk. And I don't always get "that feeling." Like that time I was supposed to run eight miles as part of my training for an upcoming half marathon in June, and I only ran three. Or, back to the couch, there are times when that shoulder isn't there. Or that shoulder makes a bad joke.
Despite the setbacks though, I know when I feel that stress melt away. I know when I feel at home. In his arms. Or heavily breathing in the air after a long run in the rain. These are my greatest moments.
