Ok, so there’s joking about the dangers of running in our neighborhood, and then there’s being chased all the way home by the god damn fox. I wish I was kidding. I woke up at 5am, got dressed, opened the door, checked for other signs of wildlife and started my warm-up walk. I believe I was listening to the melodic sounds of one of Tina Turner’s early pieces. It was pitch black out, and the air felt cold for the first time in a few weeks. I barely crested the three-minute mark when I noticed two figures crossing the street in front of me. My eyes focused in on them, and the streetlight revealed they were indeed two foxes. So much for “the sole neighborhood fox” theory. They have multiplied. And there’s no telling how many of them are out there. I immediately stopped walking and froze. Both foxes noticed me, stopped and stared right back. After a few seconds, the first fox continued to cross the street. I took a step forward, figuring the sound of my footsteps would scare the second one into the woods too. But no. I took two steps. And he held his ground. After the third step, he started to walk in my direction. My heart has never beat that fast (well, at 5am anyway). I inched forward again, which only caused him to walk faster in my direction. I wish upon all wishes that I was making this up. Needless to say, completely freaked out and bearing no confidence that I could take down a pack of foxes should there be more lurking in the shadows, I quickly turned around and mustered my best Flo Jo. It took me about one minute to sprint home. The fox followed me for about half a block. I know this because I turned around once. After that one glimpse, though, it was just about survival. I made it home safely, and rabies-free, thank god. And the gym got an unexpected visit after work. At this point, I’m honestly not sure I can make it out there tomorrow morning. Part of me says, don’t let him defeat you, you are a lot bigger than him. But the other part of me is thinking, I aint messin’ with Cujo.

Total distance: 3.2 miles
Total time with warm-up: 37:00 minutes

 

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I never thought I’d say that. Until today. When I saw. God, it’s so horrible. Wait for it. A fox. Yep, our neighborhood apparently is patrolled by not only the Howard County Police Department, but also a potentially rabid fox. I mean, really? I live in suburban DC, not the backwoods of Pennsylvania. J warned me of the neighborhood fox a few weeks ago but, to be honest, I kind of didn’t believe him. I also don’t understand how there can only be one fox, as opposed to a male and female, or a family of foxes. Doesn’t it know it needs to reproduce in order to maintain the population? Not that I’m complaining. I’m all about family planning for foxes, trust me. In any case, I spotted him just as I ended my run this morning, as he swaggered through the foggy haze of this unusually humid September day. He was just too cool for school. Little bastard. But yes, I fear him. I really never thought running would present so many dangers. Next on the agenda: research how to shake a god damn fox.

Total distance: 2.0 miles
Total time with warm-up: 23:40 minutes

 

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Two days after my first 5K ever, I was back to my morning routine. I actually woke up at 5 am on the nose this morning, 15 minutes earlier than usual, to help beat the morning commute into DC. Looks like 5 am will be my regular wake-up call from now on (yikes). Despite the early rise, I was pumped to get back at it. I started with a five-minute warm-up and a 20-minute run, which led me back home at a reasonable time. I was feeling chipper. Until. Cue the Psycho music. Baby toad! I thought toad season, if there is such a thing, was over. But no. There was another toad, clearly smaller, on our front mat this morning, staring me down as I approached the door. I stomped my feet, cleared my throat and even rustled the leaves of the plant. Nothing. The toad, just like his larger, equally-evil version, continued to guard the door. I crept as far as I could to the right, reached over to unlock the door, opened it and lept over the toad into the house. Unfortunately, with all the commotion, I couldn’t do my stretches. There was no way. I immediately ran upstairs to tell J about my new nemesis. All I could muster was, “Baby toad!” And then I took a shower.

Run time: 5 minute warm-up, 20 minute run
Total distance: 2.0 miles
Total time: 25:00 minutes

 

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We’re not calling it global warming anymore. We’re supposed to say “climate change” now. Why, you ask? Because abnormally cold mornings like today seem to refute the concept. I don’t remember the last time it was this chilly in late August or early September in this area of the country. DC metro is notoriously humid this time of year and, frankly, I’d like a little humidity back. Can I get an Amen? I walked out of the house this morning and I could see my breath. That is not cool, weather gods. I have not purchased my winter running gear yet, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. Even the toad chose not to make an appearance this morning. He was too cold, I’m guessing. Not that I’m complaining about that. In any case, by the end of my run, I had worked up a good sweat (much to my surprise) and made excellent time. So I’m left to ponder, maybe a little chill is a good thing. However, like a fine white wine, when it’s too cold, you cannot appreciate it’s true greatness. So I’d advocate for a comfortable 65 degrees, where I’m not bogged down in oppressive heat, but yet I can still feel my toes.

Interval: 7 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 26:20 minutes

You know, I’ve always thought of myself as an outdoorsy person. I’ve camped for days without showering. I’ve hiked through the Outback (note: not the steakhouse). I’ve climbed mountains, bouldered rocks, and so on. I’m certainly not a prissy girly-girl. But, man, these Maryland creatures sure know what buttons to push. They wait for the darkest, foggiest days to rear their creepy little heads. Like during this morning’s run, for example, the demonic rabbit appeared, at first in the likeness of a common household cat, only then to dart across the road in front of me and proceed to race me to the end of the block. He won. Bastard. And by the end of our little duel, I was on the opposite side of the road, in fear. And then, on top of all this, the toad decided to pay me a visit when I got home. I had just completed my run and was elating over my 27:51 time, when the toad literally headbutted my foot. It was hard to see him coming because our front light is out. Bastard. I actually screamed out loud (later, I was grateful the neighbors didn’t hear me and call 911). Who knew Maryland was such a jungle.

Interval: 4 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 27:51 minutes

It’s somewhat ballsy of me, I have to say, to create what I’m calling “a training schedule” for a race that will take place in 16 days, when I can’t yet run more than three minutes at a time. I’m actually getting nauseous just thinking about it. Although this morning, my run was surprisingly successful: no toad, no demonic rabbit on the side of the road and I was feeling energetic. So, amid a strong sense of, “I must be frickin crazy,” I do have a glimmer of hope. Below is the schedule I developed for the race. It’s a 5K. If you asked a running expert to review this, I bet he or she would scoff. It’s super ambitious, and there are not enough rest days. But I’m willing to aim high. There is just no guarantee I’ll make it through and still retain my ability to walk. Only time will tell.

Here is the schedule:
Thursday, August 27, 3 minute intervals
Friday, August 28, 4 minute intervals
Saturday, August 29, 5 minute intervals
Sunday, August 30, 5 minute intervals (optional rest)
Monday, August 31, 5 minute intervals
Tuesday, September 1, 7 minute intervals
Wednesday, September 2, 7 minute intervals
Thursday, September 3, 10 minute intervals
Friday, September 4, 10 minute intervals (optional rest)
Saturday, September 5, 10 minute intervals
Sunday, September 6, 12 minute intervals
Monday, September 7, 12 minutes
Tuesday, September 8, 15 minutes
Wednesday, September 9, 20 minutes
Thursday, September 10, 25 minutes
Friday, September 11, 28 minutes (about 3 miles at 9 min/mi)
Saturday, September 12, 14 minutes (about 1.5 miles at 9 min/mi)
Sunday, September 13, RACE DAY

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 29 minutes

Well, I didn’t make it out yesterday morning. The alarm went off, but then the snooze somehow stopped working. After too little sleep, I really didn’t mind. I look at it as a rest day. I need rest days, after all. Right? Wow, even I recognize the convenience of that rationalization. It worked out, though. J and I both got up this morning to embark on our respective morning routines. Despite being threatened by what was obviously some sort of demonic rabbit on the street corner (his clever stillness was disturbing), I easily returned to my three minutes on, one minute off run. Only 18 more days until the magical 5K I mentioned. Tonight I plan to develop an actual schedule to prepare for it.

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)

So I did it. I set the alarm for 5:15 and rolled out of bed. Granted, it was easy today because J was not home. He normally tempts me with the snooze button and, of course, his charm. But I am committed to a morning routine. Life gets too crazy at night, I find. So this morning I got up, got dressed and proudly slipped on my new Mizunos for their inaugural run. They felt great. I was pumped. Really pumped. Right up until I realized it was still pitch black outside. And eerily quiet. And the toad that guards our front door was sure to be lurking around the corner, ready to pounce. (I can’t explain the toad phobia, but I’m telling you, the things are evil. And this particular toad has it in for me.) Anyway, I somehow mustered up the courage and stepped outside into the darkness. One minute on, one minute off. I feel embarrassed that my intervals are so short, but I can already feel them getting easier. And by the end of my modest 2.7 miles, the sun started to rise. Woo hoo.

Interval: 1 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)