I’ve decided, if I ever become famous, that I will advocate for what I’m calling sleep running. This is when you are beyond tired but you decide to get up at 5:15 am anyway, and go for your run. It could very well be the hardest run of your life, but you would never know it because you are in a state of “sleep running.” You feel no pain. You fear no wildlife. You are, essentially, in auto pilot. It’s every runner’s dream. Wait, at least I think so. I actually don’t know what other runners’ dreams are, come to think of it. But, in any case, that was me this morning. After a bad night’s sleep and dealing with a lingering headache, I thought, “Oh, just do it.” And I did. I only improved by 30 seconds, but still. I’m happy. Exhausted and I’m being kept upright by Red Bull, but happy.

Interval: 5 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 28:20 minutes

My commitment to my schedule continues. I attempted five-minute intervals on Saturday morning. Thankfully, I made it through, cheating on only two of the five-minute spurts. It was a painfully humid day here in Maryland, so I didn’t beat myself up too much about it. But my overall time actually increased again, which was perhaps more painful than the humidity that day (fine print: I despise failing). Afterward, J and I decided to do some math because A) we are dorks, and B) I was not thrilled with my performance that day. Our conclusion: I always walk for five minutes to warm up, so, although my total time was 28:52, that essentially means that in 23:52 I am probably covering about 2.4 miles (if I walk .25 mile in the first five minutes). That’s about a 10-minute mile. Ugh. I repeat, ugh. Maybe when I get through this interval phase, I’ll start to feel better about my time.

Interval: 5 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 28:52 minutes

Sunday was my optional rest day. After seeing a late movie at the drive-in the night before, and with a strong craving for a Bloody Mary, I decided to take myself up on the offer. And boy did I ever. We ended up in Baltimore at an awesome restaurant on the water called Pizzazz Tuscan Grille. I had my Bloody Mary, two Morettis, some calamari, bruschetta, a salad and penne with clam sauce. Plus I tried some pizza. Oh, and I almost forgot about the peanut butter and chocolate cake. Damn it.

You know, I’ve always thought of myself as an outdoorsy person. I’ve camped for days without showering. I’ve hiked through the Outback (note: not the steakhouse). I’ve climbed mountains, bouldered rocks, and so on. I’m certainly not a prissy girly-girl. But, man, these Maryland creatures sure know what buttons to push. They wait for the darkest, foggiest days to rear their creepy little heads. Like during this morning’s run, for example, the demonic rabbit appeared, at first in the likeness of a common household cat, only then to dart across the road in front of me and proceed to race me to the end of the block. He won. Bastard. And by the end of our little duel, I was on the opposite side of the road, in fear. And then, on top of all this, the toad decided to pay me a visit when I got home. I had just completed my run and was elating over my 27:51 time, when the toad literally headbutted my foot. It was hard to see him coming because our front light is out. Bastard. I actually screamed out loud (later, I was grateful the neighbors didn’t hear me and call 911). Who knew Maryland was such a jungle.

Interval: 4 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 27:51 minutes

It’s somewhat ballsy of me, I have to say, to create what I’m calling “a training schedule” for a race that will take place in 16 days, when I can’t yet run more than three minutes at a time. I’m actually getting nauseous just thinking about it. Although this morning, my run was surprisingly successful: no toad, no demonic rabbit on the side of the road and I was feeling energetic. So, amid a strong sense of, “I must be frickin crazy,” I do have a glimmer of hope. Below is the schedule I developed for the race. It’s a 5K. If you asked a running expert to review this, I bet he or she would scoff. It’s super ambitious, and there are not enough rest days. But I’m willing to aim high. There is just no guarantee I’ll make it through and still retain my ability to walk. Only time will tell.

Here is the schedule:
Thursday, August 27, 3 minute intervals
Friday, August 28, 4 minute intervals
Saturday, August 29, 5 minute intervals
Sunday, August 30, 5 minute intervals (optional rest)
Monday, August 31, 5 minute intervals
Tuesday, September 1, 7 minute intervals
Wednesday, September 2, 7 minute intervals
Thursday, September 3, 10 minute intervals
Friday, September 4, 10 minute intervals (optional rest)
Saturday, September 5, 10 minute intervals
Sunday, September 6, 12 minute intervals
Monday, September 7, 12 minutes
Tuesday, September 8, 15 minutes
Wednesday, September 9, 20 minutes
Thursday, September 10, 25 minutes
Friday, September 11, 28 minutes (about 3 miles at 9 min/mi)
Saturday, September 12, 14 minutes (about 1.5 miles at 9 min/mi)
Sunday, September 13, RACE DAY

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: 29 minutes

Very proud of myself for abandoning J in the bed this morning, I got dressed and ready for my morning run. Only five hours of sleep, but I felt pumped. I was putting the final touches on my ensemble (i.e., wiping the gunk out of my eyes), when I pressed play on my iPod… and… silence. “Mother ^&(*@&*!!” I screamed (silently in my head of course). Now, granted, there have been a few times in my life when I’ve been able to work out without music. But they were never my best days. I depend on my iPod like Lady Gaga depends on shock value. So when it wouldn’t show even the faintest sign of life, I was immediately depressed. This running thing is very new to me, so I need all the motivation I can get. Plus, at 5:30 am, music helps to keep my legs moving. I really thought today would be a wash. But you know what? I did it. I sucked it up and entered into the darkness with only the sounds of my own breathing to keep me going. Turns out, it was fascinating to be so aware of my own breath. And the crickets. And the oncoming cars (which is a good thing apparently, although when it’s dark it’s easy to depend on their headlights too). I can’t say I would want to go musicless again, but, if need be, I now know I can do it.

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)

Well, I didn’t make it out yesterday morning. The alarm went off, but then the snooze somehow stopped working. After too little sleep, I really didn’t mind. I look at it as a rest day. I need rest days, after all. Right? Wow, even I recognize the convenience of that rationalization. It worked out, though. J and I both got up this morning to embark on our respective morning routines. Despite being threatened by what was obviously some sort of demonic rabbit on the street corner (his clever stillness was disturbing), I easily returned to my three minutes on, one minute off run. Only 18 more days until the magical 5K I mentioned. Tonight I plan to develop an actual schedule to prepare for it.

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)

I went for my second three-minute interval run today, after using yesterday as a rest day (and a wine tasting day – it was part of J’s birthday celebration). Everyone says rest days are essential, but I found that I lost a part of my groove. I made it back out this morning, feeling well-rested and ready. It could’ve been the heat, it could’ve been the copious amount of wine consumed the day before. But, regardless, I was dying out there. The 2.7 miles at my new three-minute interval pace seemed like eternity. I returned home feeling slightly nauseous and dizzy. I couldn’t stop thinking about the Wayne’s World quote, “If you have to spew, spew into this.” My “this” would have been my tshirt sleeve. I was that close. But here I am, a few meals and another bottle of wine later, feeling better… but nervous about how I’ll do tomorrow.

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)

Let’s face it, sometimes three minutes is all you need. And today, I proved to myself that I could run for a whole three minutes. Repeatedly. It was a great feeling. As you know, I’d been doing one-minute intervals (one minute running and one minute walking) for a few weeks. Well, today, I upped it to three. And I’m ok! I have survived. And I feel no soreness. My total run time for the 2.7 mile loop actually only decreased by a few minutes, and that surprised me at first. But then I realized that, because I was running for longer periods of time, my speed probably decreased slightly, which is ok by me. If I really want to do this 5K in what is now 22 days (yikes), I need to work up to longer runs. Shorter intervals can be satisfying, but I’m not really a runner until I can make it last.

Interval: 3 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve asked myself that question. Much to the chagrin of my bank account and, at times, my health, usually the answer is yes. But this time it is about my health. And as I continue to run these one minute on, one minute off intervals, I can’t help but wonder if I should plan a few 5K’s – you know, to help myself build up to being an actual runner. I know I said I didn’t want finite goals, but I look at these races as sprinkles among a lifetime of regular running. Kind of like when I get sushi for lunch. I don’t get it everyday, but just because I’m not eating sushi, it doesn’t mean I’m not eating lunch. It’s like a special treat among all other lunches. And so my first 5K will be a special day among all other running days. The first 5K on my calendar (well, actually it’s the only 5K on my calendar) is in exactly 23 days. So do I do it? Right now, I say yes. Now, if only I could run more than one minute without stopping.

Interval: 1 minute run, 1 minute walk
Total distance: 2.7 miles
Total time: N/A (not recording this yet)

Yesterday was my friend’s graduation from a very prestigious training program. If I told you what it was, I’d have to kill you. In any case, another friend and I drove down the night before the ceremony. We’re not picky and opted for the Super 8 in the nearby town. Overly optimistic, I brought my running stuff. When we got there, I immediately realized there was no fitness facility. To be honest, I think we were lucky we made it out of there alive. Plan B could have been to run around the neighborhood. But that also was a no-go because, let’s face it, running on an 18-wheeler heavy highway at 5:30 in the morning probably isn’t that safe (thanks for the tip, J and K). In any case (yet again), I couldn’t run yesterday morning. They say rest days are important, so that’s ok. I think my “lifestyle goal” will be to simply run every day I can. I’m thinking this will work out because, odds are, there will be few weeks when every day can be a run day.